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When departing from a social gathering (be it at a home or academic
function) is it correct etiquette to quietly leave as to not direct
attention that you are leaving, or to thank the host and inform them
you are departing. (It is assumed that if the prior is chosen that you
thank the host upon your arrival).
Both of your hypothetical answers are correct. If you know that you
cannot stay long at a social gathering such as a cocktail party or
academic gathering, inform the host/hostess/sponsor upon arrival.
"Thank you for inviting me, I do want you to know that I have to leave
in about thirty minutes at which time I will quietly slip out." (NOTE:
Same thing when attending such events such as a speech, art show,
demonstration, etc. In other words, do not just get up and walk out of
a speech unless it is an emergency.) This scenario would not be
appropriate for a dinner party where you would be expected to stay
through the entire meal.
As for large parties, such as a wedding reception, graduation party,
etc. where there are many guests, it is proper to thank the people
hosting the party as you leave IF there is an appropriate opportunity,
AND it is also all right to discreetly leave, not drawing attention to
your departure. (Personally I prefer to slip away, but then I take time
within a few days to write a note of thanks.) It is never inappropriate
to send thank you notes under any circumstances. Today, in our casual
society, e-mail is popular correspondence for such affairs. When in
doubt, send a personal hand-written note. If a close friend hosts the
party, a sincere phone call is appropriate. Just remember that many
people are "partied out" the day after a party, mainly because of the
time entailed in cleaning up [home parties especially] and the energy
involved in hosting. Bottom line: Have your "social sixth sense" be the
guide.
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