Welcome to Etiquette
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mid Frequently Asked Questions
When departing from a social gathering (be it at a home or academic function) is it correct etiquette to quietly leave as to not direct attention that you are leaving, or to thank the host and inform them you are departing. (It is assumed that if the prior is chosen that you thank the host upon your arrival).

Both of your hypothetical answers are correct. If you know that you cannot stay long at a social gathering such as a cocktail party or academic gathering, inform the host/hostess/sponsor upon arrival. "Thank you for inviting me, I do want you to know that I have to leave in about thirty minutes at which time I will quietly slip out." (NOTE: Same thing when attending such events such as a speech, art show, demonstration, etc. In other words, do not just get up and walk out of a speech unless it is an emergency.) This scenario would not be appropriate for a dinner party where you would be expected to stay through the entire meal. As for large parties, such as a wedding reception, graduation party, etc. where there are many guests, it is proper to thank the people hosting the party as you leave IF there is an appropriate opportunity, AND it is also all right to discreetly leave, not drawing attention to your departure. (Personally I prefer to slip away, but then I take time within a few days to write a note of thanks.) It is never inappropriate to send thank you notes under any circumstances. Today, in our casual society, e-mail is popular correspondence for such affairs. When in doubt, send a personal hand-written note. If a close friend hosts the party, a sincere phone call is appropriate. Just remember that many people are "partied out" the day after a party, mainly because of the time entailed in cleaning up [home parties especially] and the energy involved in hosting. Bottom line: Have your "social sixth sense" be the guide.

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